We are lost in love-filled pain
and we know we won’t be found.
We can’t stay dry in the rain
as she’s no longer around…

In the loving memory of Imola Sebestyén . 3rd of March 1976 – 27th of August 2009

agony and ecstasy – a syntagm, a song title and, often, a cliché
Nothing special, but… still…

Perhaps I wouldn’t tell anything surprising if I told that for 10% ecstasy there is 90% agony. In your case it might work with a more convenient percentage, but this is how it proves to be in my case.

It’s not a complaint. What I would like to say is that if you’ll ever witness my 10% of ecstasy, please don’t envy me. I’m sure you wouldn’t want the other 90%…

At least in an intuitive way, we all understand that our individual struggles can be eased by love, but many have no view on the ambivalent character of love, on how it can become a magnetic field for sin. Love’s a playground where you can have a lot of fun or you can break your neck. It depends on your ability of being synchronized with your own limits.

Some say that love is pure. This idea makes me think of those who seem to have “failed” being as we are, the saints. Perhaps they had no intention to become who they’re known to be, but they were unadaptable, with no appetite for any crime.

We all go down and… we all go down on the same path, even if we’re not the same. Some have a smooth walk, some a troubled one, but we all have the same sense of uncertainty in our steps. No one’s a natural born saint. Some become, due to a limitless number of conflicts with their “environment”.

Being a saint is a kind of accident…

Photo: Feuillu, under Creative Commons license

1. ABOUT INNA IN FORBES ROMANIA

If you’re interested in the music business, you should check the latest issue of Forbes Romania, nr. 54/4-17 April. You can read about the secret* behind Inna’s (and Edward Maya’s) success. Enjoy!

* revealed in, let’s say, 20%…

2. FOR YOUR COUNTRY

In 1961, J.F.K. said:

“Ask not what your country can do for you – ask what you can do for your country”

In 2011 I have the following comment:

If you’re interested only in what you can do for your country (and deeply uninterested in what your country can do for you), Romania is a good place to live in.

3. DO NOT WEEP FOR ME…

“Jesus turned and said to them, “Daughters of Jerusalem, do not weep for me; weep for yourselves and for your children”.”

Luke 23:28

These words seem to have a special “resonance” these days. When I see the (global) tragedies we’re facing, I hear Jesus’ words like a kind of soundtrack of all the madness we’re into…

4. TWO RESTAURANTS

A few streets away from where I live, there are two restaurants at, let’s say, fifty steps one from another. They are in the most popular area of the city so, theoretically, both have the same chances to be successful.

Even so, one of them has clients all the time – the other one only from time to time. One of them had become a reference for those who’re interested in spending some quality time and eating well – the other one has the “one of the others” status.

Reasons? There might be a few. What I know for sure is that the guy from the “not interesting one” has a communism-rooted history. Unintentionally, he succeeded to transfer into the contemporary Romania the “values” of the “red cancer“: his restaurant is grey, dark and cold.

Ultimately, the difference is in the perspectives. Both businesses are reflecting some. One of the restaurants seems to tell that “We’re here with something you’ll love!” and the other one “Sorry that we’re here. Come in and you’ll never come back!”.

In the town where I’m consuming my days, there’s a restaurant I wouldn’t compare with any other. It is placed in the heart of the city and, as some of you might presume, it is a luxurious one. The strange aspects related to it started from its very first day…

While some well-established places would almost beg you to visit them, this restaurant has clients from the day of its opening. Its guests give the impression that they’re from elsewhere. They represent that solid middle class that Romania doesn’t have. Where do they come from? Are they local people or some obscure organization is importing them on daily basis?! No one could tell. The idea of a secret society would be quite attractive for any mortal who would engage to explain the phenomenon. It could be said that this restaurant is the headquarters of some international secret agents. There’s no hour during the day when it would be empty – with its big windows to the street, just like an office. The only difference is that there are new “workers” every 24 hours.

Their clients are fine people with fine gestures and fine mimics. If you take a good look at them, you would think they’re perfect. From behavior to the trendy clothes, they’re the representatives of a premium human typology and, yes, visually they do impress. If you didn’t see them you would hardly believe that they exist.

I walk by this restaurant often. Every time I see the people at the tables, I have mixed feelings. I admire them because of their almost religious happiness and I’m troubled because of their perfection. The chance to take a seat beside them, even on a single occasion, is not even worth mentioning. As in a profoundly wicked relationship, I see no perspectives. The distance between us would grow with every step I would make towards it…

Photo: www.danielnyc.com

In December 2010 the Ugmonk guys had a story contest, related to their “Better than I deserve” t-shirt. They expected “a 1-2 paragraph personal story about how you realized or shared with someone else that you have it ‘better than you deserve’.” I sent them a text and, as it wasn’t selected between the winner ones, I decided to share it with you. Here it comes…

Better than I deserve

On the 28th of November I arrived to Budapest to see Helloween live. I traveled a few hundreds of kms from my hometown, Cluj-Napoca (Romania), just to finally see the band which had a great influence on me. I checked into a nice hostel, I had a pleasant meal & coffee at McDonalds – I had a great time before the concert. Everything seemed to be perfect when I realized that something was wrong…

In the downtown, in the metro subways, I saw many homeless people, in extremely poor condition. I was wondering how this is possible, in 2010, in an European country?!… As if this wasn’t enough, when I came to light from the underground, I saw a sick woman in a telephone cab. She was struggling for her life without too much success. All skin and bone, one eye missing, she was there to die…

If I have an honest view on my life, on my possibilities and on my perspectives, there’s a single way to go for me: to be humble and grateful. I do better than I deserve…

Image: www.ugmonk.com

Sometimes it may be useful to look back and classify memories. The past 12 months have been cloudy for me, as if I had been on drugs or somethin’ like that… I’m a clean guy, I never even tried such stuff, so it must be something else… Anyway…

What I remember for sure is a tragedy I went through with my family, something we didn’t expect and, definitely, didn’t want. Why did it have to happen? I’m not sure and, to be frank, I’m not even asking this question anymore. Sometimes certain questions bring no answers, so they’re in vain. If our (spiritual) perceptions and intelligence don’t even lead to some conclusions, we don’t really deserve any further enlightenment…

In the past year I had nice moments, too. The important ones were isolated, rare, and none of them led to radical positive changes. Yes, I miss some changes which would bring new perspectives…

Unfortunately, in 2010 I had a few conversations which led nowhere. During these talks we came to awesome conclusions, but they brought no substantial changes. I consumed myself emotionally and so, but the results were way under what they should had been. I don’t like to waste my time and I intend not go back there once again…

If there’s room for any conclusion for the last twelve months, I would say that there’s no love outside of family. What does this have to do with the previous thoughts? Nothin’. It’s a conclusion extracted from a generous amount of insignificant events which are conclusion-worthy due to the fact that they are repeating all the time. So, family… It is worth holding dear. Outside of that it’s rain. Acid rain…

What do I want for ‘11? I want to burn! If it’s love, I wanna live it up to my bones, if it’s hate I wanna feel it up to my last breath. There’s no time to waste, it’s time to burn!

Image: istockphoto.com

1. She & he

The life of many married couples is a continuous hell. From an outsider’s perspective, the most entertaining aspect of such a wicked relationship is the never ending fight. Both parties are engaged in a battle which has no winner. They try to prove their right, but neither (or both) of them is. Years ago they made a “commitment of love”, but they seem to have nothing in common with it anymore. Instead of being a win-win, this is a lose-lose situation, a parallel dance of egos. They are too weak and too scared to end their dual journey to nowhere, so they suffer next to each other. How will their story end? Actually, it ended years ago, but they keep preserving the appearances. This is how they keep living in the shade of what once they called love. If one can’t make it, why not break it? Live and let live!

2. The band

A fellow musician told me a surprising story. As he wanted to move on, he told the leader of the band he played in that he would like to finish his journey with them. His “boss’” answer was something like this: “Actually, I was never satisfied with you and, anyway, I had the intention to bring a better musician in your place…”

This attitude was a cold shower to my friend, as he never received signs in this direction, moreover, everything seemed to work just fine.

I’m not sure, what kind of leader is someone who accepts a collaboration which might compromise its results? On the other hand, how can someone turn from respect to disrespect with apparently no reason?…

Have you seen “Eat Pray Love” or, perhaps, “Wake Up“? These movies are talking about the typical (and already well-known) American way of how someone can find out who he/she is. The “wonder-method” is travelling. So, if you’re already 40 and you still don’t know…

…if you should believe in Jesus or Buddha,
…if you’re gay or an old-school hetero,
…what makes you happy and what makes you sad,
…if you’re a liberal or a conservative,
…if you should go for a PC or for a Mac,
…if your mother, father or mother in law is responsible for all your failures,

you should just stop, leave all behind and travel all over the world. As an American, you should fly to India, some European countries, China and (please don’t forget about) Africa.

Not sure what someone who can’t afford such travels should do?…
How will he/she will find out who he/she is?!…

Photo: T. Graham, under Creative Commons license

N-am mai trecut pe aici de o luna, din 9 august. Din cate vad, nu-i nicio noutate prin zona: tema WordPress e aceeasi, comentariile stau tacute la locul lor si  URL-ul e in continuare bassplayer.ro. Se pare ca nici macar in spatiul virtual nu apar schimbari fara interventie din exterior…

Vara asta a fost ca o lunga zi ploioasa. Viata s-a retras din oras si locul ei a fost luat de o liniste stearsa – nici macar vocea constiintei nu putea fi auzita… In ultimele doua luni m-am lasat topit de caldura unei vointe adormite si m-am pierdut in somnul de peste zi. N-am cautat aceasta stare, ea m-a gasit…

Poate ca (imi) voi reveni usor-usor…

Foto: Marlana, sub licenta Creative Commons